Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Interesting article in UK K-9 magazine

For those of you who know me, you know I am not into mushy stuff, but when it comes to sarcasm I'm at the front of the line.
This article in the UK K-9 Magazine was posted by a friend of mine and caught my eye.
I think those of us here in Ontariostan and many parts of the US can relate to this..
If you have ever stopped to think about the lunacy of UK dangerous dog laws you aren’t alone.
If we break them down to their simple (and dumbest) form, and apply them to the dog’s perspective, they go something like this:
1) Thou shalt not be a Pit Bull Terrier, Japanese Tosa, Fila Brasileiro or (God forbid) Dogo Argentino.You may be any number of other breeds who are of equal size, strength or share the same family heritage of these dogs. Just don’t be any of these in particular. Got it?
2) Thou shalt not look like a Pit Bull Terrier, even if your parents are not, in any way Pit Bull Terrier ‘like’ you may not look like one upon punishment of execution. Understand? Do not look Pit Bull like. Ever.
3) If you are going to bite someone, make sure you do it in your own home and not in public. One is an offence under the Dangerous Dogs Act, the other is merely a bit of harmless japery.
4) Your owner, who is responsible for your behaviour and, ultimately, your life is 90% certain NOT to know what is contained in the Dangerous Dogs Act. So I guess it’s down to you.
5) If you pull your owner over or if you collide with your owner because you are a big, stupid lump, and your owner needs to get hospital treatment as a result - that will be recorded as a ‘dog attack’ (bad dog you!)
6) If your owner chooses not to socialise you properly or indeed not to do any training with you at all, be aware that you are STILL expected to obey the laws because it is you who will be subject to the death penalty, not them. In other words, make sure you train yourself well.
7) If you are a large black and tan dog who looks a bit like a Rottweiler, be aware you may require your owner to kit you and indeed them out in water proof clothing for you are going to be spat at in public for a little while. You see, you are known as a ‘devil dog’ now. And the tag is correct. The papers say so. You “should be banned” you know?

8 ) If you are a dog not legally deemed to be ‘dangerous’ or banned under the Dangerous Dogs Act, you are, by definition ’safe’. Which means, unfortunately for you, you won’t hold much appeal for thugs and brain donors and so a life of villainy is not available to you. It goes without saying you can’t and won’t EVER bite anyone or seriously injure anyone, you are legally ‘not dangerous’ and therefore incapable of killing anybody or hurting people badly. You are legally a safe dog.

9) If you happen to be a Rottweiler and your owner collapses whilst out walking you, whatever you do, don’t try and help him or her. If you do, you will be shot dead on the spot.
10) Be aware that your owner may have no dog ownership experience and may have literally no idea whatsoever in how to train you, socialise you, feed you or be aware of any of the laws that apply to you. In which case please learn to feed yourself a proper diet, socialise yourself, study the Dangerous Dogs Act and generally ensure you don’t get up to any naughtiness. There’s a good chap.
Hopefully the dogs who are reading this will take heed. After all, what will happen if the UK moves to adopt a new, improved Dangerous Dogs Act and starts handing down criminal records for canine offenders? Seem ludicrous, far fetched and flat out ridiculous?
Bear convicted for theft of honey
The taste of honey was just too tempting for a bear in Macedonia, which repeatedly raided a beekeeper’s hives.
Now it has a criminal record after a court found it guilty of theft and criminal damage.

But there was an empty dock in the court in the city of Bitola and no handcuffed bear, which was convicted in its absence.
The case was brought by the exasperated beekeeper after a year of trying vainly to protect his beehives.
For a while, he kept the animal away by buying a generator, lighting up the area, and playing thumping Serbian turbo-folk music.
But when the generator ran out of power and the music fell silent, the bear was back and the honey was gone once more.
“It attacked the beehives again,” said beekeeper Zoran Kiseloski.
Because the animal had no owner and belonged to a protected species, the court ordered the state to pay for the damage to the hives - around $3,500 (£1,750; 2,238 euros).
The bear, meanwhile, remains at large - somewhere in Macedonia.
So, look up all you dangerous dogs living in the UK. Criminal convictions could be here to punish you for your bad deeds one day soon. And regardless of how daft and silly that idea sounds, it’s not that far off as daft and silly as the law we have right now. Lord Baker who introduced the 1991 Dangerous Dogs Act with support from the Kennel Club, RSPCA and other welfare groups, was not asked to comment on whether he thought giving dogs criminal records was a step in the right direction. At the risk of editorialising, let’s just assume he would.
Author Details
Ryan O'Meara is editor-in-chief of K9 Magazine, the lifestyle magazine for dog lovers. He lives in the East Midlands with his own two dogs, Mia and Chloe. -
See this author's webpage

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